Tuesday, August 11, 2009

Hamburger Mary's


The Vanessa!

the patty 5.9
the bun 7.5
the fixin's 7.6
the sides 7.8
total package 6.8

accessibility 7.4
the service 8.2
cleanliness 7.1
the price 6.1
"it" factor 5.5


Hamburger Mary's (Map It!) is the burger place with an identity crisis. From Hamburger Mary's to Universal Grille and back again, hopefully the new (old) name and renovated interior are here to stay. As a recognizable spot to hang out with a diverse group of friends, Hamburger Mary's hits a home run. As a burger joint, it strikes out. Mostly, the burger is overpriced. You'll pay well over ten bucks for an average burger and decent sides (the onion rings were great). Also, request your burger to be cooked less well done than you prefer. Those who ordered medium rare were served medium well, and those who ordered medium well were served a burnt piece of meat. The service was great, and the atmosphere is fun (especially once renovations are complete), but the overpriced burger probably isn't worth a visit.

What’s the expression that horrible VP candidate used in the election? Something about a bulldog being a bulldog even with lipstick? I think that works for Hamburger Mary’s. They throw a bunch of super good fixins on their mediocre burger, slap in a killer bun, and it’s still….just mediocre. If you like decoupage, you’ll love this place. The tables are shellacked with it.

I often go downtown for business lunches, and there's no good place to grab a quick lunch in that area, but Hamburger Mary’s is by far the best possible option.

One of my least favorite burgers on the tour. My patty was burnt, and the toppings couldn't hide the charred flavor. The burger was sloppy and way overpriced. Any place that charges over ten bucks for a burger needs to get over themselves, especially when they serve slop.

Hamburger Mary’s burger was good but not amazing. Mary’s is a nice (re)addition to downtown, and I’m glad it's back. While the burger doesn’t stack up next to a lot of our other tour stops, I would recommend it if you happen to be downtown and catch a sudden case of burger fever. The afternoon drink prices were great, and my mimosa was delicious. Welcome back Mary!

I used to frequent Mary’s back before it closed. I remember loving the burgers and onion rings. The onion rings are still really good, but my burger was pretty weak this time around. They claim that the patty had never been frozen, but I’m not convinced. I ordered mine medium-rare, and it came out well done. I was excited about the drink prices listed on the sign out on the sidewalk ($3 bloodies, $2 mimosas), but I was quickly disappointed. The mimosas were strong and decent, but my bloody was possibly the worst I’ve ever had. It had way too much, way too cheap vodka in it. Oh yeah, and I was being swarmed with fruit flies the entire time I was eating. On a positive note, our waitress was super nice and did a great job of explaining the menu. I think Mary’s is great for downtown, and I’m glad its back. Maybe I just ordered the wrong kind of meat.


  1. how come to the whole team did not comment this time?

  2. Those who did not comment are slackers.

  3. It's good to know they people out there that like to eat as much as me. My dog's name is Scoots but it looks like I should have called him Scoops, LOL!

  4. Rondell,

    You should visit Cincinnati and eat a burger with us.

  5. sooo when is the next review

  6. my name is pat marlow and my company a2z construction at the owners request worked strait though the last weekends long hours brought exta guys on to finish the night club bar it opened oct 2 and now the owner mary onken will not return calls and texts and my company is owed a boat load of money
    this realy stinks because she said she would pay me. i have a family and spent my entire summer as well as my worker away to open this place and now that its open the owner mary onken is blowing me off this realy sucks

  7. great dynamic blog - i like it